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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26058841">simple thoughts turn into ugly beasts, don’t they?</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/problemgiddy/pseuds/problemgiddy'>problemgiddy</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Persona 4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Eating Disorders, yu... i’m sorry.</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 11:07:35</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,028</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26058841</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/problemgiddy/pseuds/problemgiddy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>it started as a simple thought.<br/>that’s all it was, a simple thought.<br/>that simple thought grew into small actions.<br/>those small actions grew into bigger ones.<br/>yu’s health was deteriorating, and he just didn’t realise.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>simple thoughts turn into ugly beasts, don’t they?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>It started as a simple thought.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>If the worthless boy Yu Narukami had become was going to take up any space, it should be the smallest amount possible. He’d still be a waste of space, but he’d be </span>
  <em>
    <span>wasting less</span>
  </em>
  <span>, at least.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It started as a simple thought.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That he should just stop eating. That food could go to someone who needed it more than him, who deserved it more than him. It wouldn’t be much, but it was </span>
  <em>
    <span>something</span>
  </em>
  <span>, at least.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It started with watching what he ate.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m going on a diet,” Yu had announced to his friends, “so I’m sorry if I don’t eat what you offer me,” he’d said. He still ate, of course, just what he thought was </span>
  <em>
    <span>healthier</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It turned into cutting lunch.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Yosuke asked him if he was hungry, Yu had only tilted his head and smiled, assuring him that he was fine, that he just didn’t feel up to eating lunch anymore. When Nanako asked him why he never made lunch for himself anymore, he just told her that he wasn’t getting hungry in the middle of the day anymore.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yu thought he was doing okay, that his excuses were good enough, that nobody would worry for him. Maybe he shouldn’t have thought that, though. Maybe he should have kept working on his lies, maybe he should have kept working on perfecting the mask that he wore, because his friends were beginning to worry about him and his health.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It turned into eating less of the breakfast and dinner that sat in front of him every day. He’d said that it was just because of his diet, said that he’d still eat enough to be healthy and such. However, his definition of ‘healthy’ was rather warped at this point. Even Nanako had started to worry for him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It turned into cutting breakfast completely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay, Nanako,” Yu would say, “I’m just not hungry all that much anymore.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’d wondered why exercising was becoming such a chore, why walking to school wasn’t as easy anymore, why he could barely keep balanced when he asked to ride Yosuke’s bike. He’d wondered why his head was ringing and he couldn’t stay awake in class, he’d wondered why his health wasn’t as good as it used to be.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He didn’t consider that it was his ‘diet’. He thought that it couldn’t be the cause because it was the ‘right thing’ in his eyes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It turned into a cycle. Yu would eat his dinner, and then not eat for a few days, he’d wonder why he felt sick and why he could barely stand, why he had collapsed in the doorway, before finally eating his dinner again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His ‘diet’ was not a healthy one, it was literally destroying him from the inside out, but he didn’t seem to notice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It all started with a simple thought. Well, this was what he asked for, wasn’t it?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yu has managed to make his way to school on time today. Thank god. Most days he’d show up late, if he showed up at all. He mindlessly said hello to his friends before sitting down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The next thing he knew, school was over. His memory was getting worse and worse by the day, and this wasn’t exactly a new thing. He had probably passed out during class anyways, so he wouldn’t have learned anything anyways. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, partner, mind if I walk home with you?” Yosuke offered, that same smile he wore every day back on his face. “Sure,” Yu managed to get out, and so they left the school grounds and began the walk, before Yosuke stopped, causing Yu to stop as well. “Yosuke?” He said, before seeing his face. He looked like he was about to cry.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yosuke looked towards the floor. “Partner… I’m scared for you,” he choked, “y- you’re not eating. You haven’t been showing up to school, an… and w- when I do see you, you’re basically just a living zombie, you’re clearly not healthy, and I…” he took the silver-haired boy’s wrist entirely in one hand, staring at it, “you’ve gotten so thin, Yu. I’m scared for you. You’re </span>
  <em>
    <span>going to die</span>
  </em>
  <span> if you keep this up, a- and I… I don’t want that… I- Y-Yu, you know-“</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yu only stared at him for a few seconds. Too many thoughts clouded his mind, too many things at once, and the first thing he managed to do was give Yosuke a hug.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yosuke made a noise, and then another, before Yu recognised it as the sound of sobbing. Yosuke was shaking all over, </span>
  <em>
    <span>what is wrong with me, I’m fucked to the point where I’m making my friends cry,</span>
  </em>
  <span> Yu thought, before Yosuke managed to speak again. “Partner. I don’t want to lose you. I </span>
  <em>
    <span>don’t want you to die</span>
  </em>
  <span>, you’re going to if you keep this up. You </span>
  <em>
    <span>need</span>
  </em>
  <span> to stop, </span>
  <em>
    <span>please</span>
  </em>
  <span>, it’s not just you who’s going to fall apart if you keep doing this, I-“</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yosuke-“</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Partner- no, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Yu</span>
  </em>
  <span>, you need to eat. We’re going out to eat. Right </span>
  <em>
    <span>now</span>
  </em>
  <span>, got it?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The only things Yu could remember from the walk to Junes were the feeling of Yosuke’s warm hand on his own cold one, making sure he came with him, and the throbbing headache he’d had all week.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>It started as a simple thought. How did it get this bad?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And so Yu found himself at the Junes food court, waiting for Yosuke to return. He didn’t try to leave or anything, it would take too much energy, energy he </span>
  <em>
    <span>just didn’t have</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Yosuke has alerted him of exactly how bad his situation had become; it was almost as if a switch in his brain had turned off and he couldn’t ignore the problem anymore. The pain in his head had gotten twice as bad, the pain in his gut had increased tenfold, and what little energy he had left had dissipated.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In short, Yosuke had ‘snapped him out of it’.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>However, that was only the first step.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After all, tearing down all the harmful boundaries and rules one follows out of habit is much harder than creating new ones.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>thankyou for making it to the end of the chapter!! i’m sorry you had to read this m(_ _)m please do leave feedback if you’d like, and i hope you’ll read the second chapter when i get the energy to write it (￣▽￣) once again sorry for making you read this i write pretty bad stuff lol</p></blockquote></div></div>
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